Okay, okay, enough with the hate mail. If you are or ever were a mailman, a teacher, a restaurant hostess, or a maternity nurse, I wasn't talking about you. Same thing goes, I guess, if you are a bad driver or one of those little skinny women who own the roads of my town in their Lincoln SUVs. I was not trying to make a political statement about the current financial state of the United States Postal Service. I thought I made clear in my "disclaimer" at the top of my last post that it was all a joke.
I have endured lawyer jokes all my adult life. These jokes are usually told to my face by someone who has never studied law or taken a bar exam. The jokes all have a common theme: that lawyers are heartless mercenaries who exploit other people's misfortunes for the sake of earning a dollar. Now, we all know that while generalizing often makes for a good chuckle, there are in fact good lawyers out there in the world. They work for human rights in my own neighborhood and in far-off places. They get out of their beds in the middle of the night to help the domestic violence victim and the accused criminal. They defend people against meritless claims that threaten to destroy livelihoods. They prosecute the people whose crimes affect our safety and our way of life. They serve in public office and draft treaties and...
I could go on and on, but you get the point.
Besides, those lawyer jokes are all made up. My stories are as true as the day is long, every single one of them. A mailman really did mace a yipping puppy on my front porch, and the USPS really did defend his right to do so. That maternity nurse really did yell at me. And I get honked at while riding my bike at least once a week.
And, finally, yes, there are people who deserve eternal damnation a lot more than the people I listed. In the grand scheme of things, the comma-dropping teacher really doesn't matter. There are people starving, and a whole lot more people turning their heads the other way, pretending they don't notice or that there's nothing they can do about it. Genocide and persecution and unnecessary death still plague the world. The guy I worked for many years ago who used to throw stuff at me is, as far as I know, still employed.
Let's all lighten up and focus on the real issues. This morning, I went to the grocery store and bought a dozen eggs. When I got home and opened the little styrofoam crate, I realized that each individual egg had a tiny pink ribbon stamped on it. I stood at my kitchen counter and slowly absorbed the fact that I had inadvertently bought breast cancer awareness eggs. If that doesn't tell you something about the state of the world we live in, I think things are much worse than I realized.
Have a good week.
P.S. I am not in favor of breast cancer. I know a lot of people who have suffered from it and, unfortunately, I even lost a childhood friend to it. I am aware of it, for heaven's sake, and I do not mean to make light of a serious and real issue. That being said, the egg story is 100% true and was intended to make you laugh. Or smile. Or something.